Back in 2009, I lost my job as a Senior Legal Researcher in a prestigious tier-one law firm. Having been on Bay Street for close to 22 years, the shock of that day felt like a tsunami had come upon the shores of my life, taking my breath away.
Since then, my life has changed DRAMATICALLY! I have been faced with the ebb and flow, which is my life, challenges that are met with equal support from friends and family. I have been stretched to limits beyond what I ever thought possible. At times I feel like Gumby, stretching to the point where I think I might break, yet, always finding Zena-like inner-strength to adjust and resize to the shape that is me.
How would I define me? Hmmmm....positive yet mildly sceptical, curious yet slightly cautious, courageous yet fearful, always loving, always caring, always nurturing, always wanting...to be loved, to be acknowledged, to feel valued, to be understood, to live in the now. I am complex yet simple, I want for nothing, simple pleasures, erotic moments, sensual touches, longing gazes...I am forever evolving, forever reaching for the best "me" that I want to be.
As long as I am evolving, I am learning. This is the true essence that is my life. This is living to me!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Get Out of My Way!
Last month I deliberated over what I was tolerating. Here’s the bottom line - I was getting in my own way!
As I began to explore my values, I noticed I was stepping all over myself. I can still see my footprints on my forehead! My values of happiness, connection, fun, living in the now, authenticity and courage were being gutted at my every turn. Here’s what’s sickening about that – I was the driver that ran over me!
The “Why?” was easy to figure out – those sneaky saboteurs were wreaking havoc on my self-esteem, my self-worth, my “am I enough” parts of me. I allowed those pesky inner voices to dictate my actions which, in turn, stopped me from living my life aligned with my values. The past few months these “inner critics” have had a feeding frenzy on my sense of self and this, my friends, is not living!
Unveiling each value and expanding each one to uncover more meaning, I noticed there was so much more to these values than once thought. Take a look at the richness, when mined, the depth at which my values bring to my life:
Connection means: heart to heart / love / intimacy / depth / vulnerability.
Happiness means: joy / smiling /peace / stomach tickle / openness / love.
Fun means: laughter / more sex / smiling / reckless abandonment / silly / freeing.
Living in the now means: no past, no future / current / just being / no thinking / flow / rhythm / no expectations / whatever happens let happen.
Courage means: bravery / having a spine / “manning up” / Zena Warrior / inner strength.
Authenticity means: bare-bones / truthful / honesty / being yourself / raw / no judgment.
So, now what? Action steps my darlings! AND tell my saboteurs to hit the road! You know, once I get out of my own way, seeing the forest for the trees makes it much easier to breathe and live a life that feels full and beautiful.
Give me a call if you find yourself waking up one morning with footprints on your face – chances are – they belong to YOU! Together, let’s get you unstuck and out of your own way – live the life that you were destined to live.
Until then, be kind to yourself, love yourself and know that you are “enough” just the way you are!
As I began to explore my values, I noticed I was stepping all over myself. I can still see my footprints on my forehead! My values of happiness, connection, fun, living in the now, authenticity and courage were being gutted at my every turn. Here’s what’s sickening about that – I was the driver that ran over me!
The “Why?” was easy to figure out – those sneaky saboteurs were wreaking havoc on my self-esteem, my self-worth, my “am I enough” parts of me. I allowed those pesky inner voices to dictate my actions which, in turn, stopped me from living my life aligned with my values. The past few months these “inner critics” have had a feeding frenzy on my sense of self and this, my friends, is not living!
Unveiling each value and expanding each one to uncover more meaning, I noticed there was so much more to these values than once thought. Take a look at the richness, when mined, the depth at which my values bring to my life:
Connection means: heart to heart / love / intimacy / depth / vulnerability.
Happiness means: joy / smiling /peace / stomach tickle / openness / love.
Fun means: laughter / more sex / smiling / reckless abandonment / silly / freeing.
Living in the now means: no past, no future / current / just being / no thinking / flow / rhythm / no expectations / whatever happens let happen.
Courage means: bravery / having a spine / “manning up” / Zena Warrior / inner strength.
Authenticity means: bare-bones / truthful / honesty / being yourself / raw / no judgment.
So, now what? Action steps my darlings! AND tell my saboteurs to hit the road! You know, once I get out of my own way, seeing the forest for the trees makes it much easier to breathe and live a life that feels full and beautiful.
Give me a call if you find yourself waking up one morning with footprints on your face – chances are – they belong to YOU! Together, let’s get you unstuck and out of your own way – live the life that you were destined to live.
Until then, be kind to yourself, love yourself and know that you are “enough” just the way you are!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
What Am I Tolerating?
Well, I know "what" I am tolerating; I guess the bigger question is "why" am I tolerating "it"? When I really think about it, I know the answers to both of these questions.
For those of you that don't know, I have been on a major personal growth journey for many years but particularly in the last 3 I have been digging pretty damned deep. I'm on a personal mission to move from the "place" that doesn't feel right, the part that keeps me up at night, the part that makes me question my self-worth and move into a place of fun, love, connection and the feeling of "being enough".
I want fulfillment damn it! I want to live my life aligned with my values, change my karma, start laughing again, begin to feel alive and for the most part, I am doing a fantastic Grade "A" job of it.
So, you ask, what's the problem?
We all do our best to move forward but sometimes we allow life to get in our way, or should I say, we allow ourselves to get in the way of life. And that's what I'm doing right now. I'm getting in my own way!
I fluctuate from sadness to anger because I know my values are being stepped on and because I'm allowing it! The reality is that it doesn't matter what the "what" is and as for the "why", well, that doesn't matter either. What's really important is that I'm stuck - and this is of no benefit to me!
Physician heals thy self! My client said that to me last week - hmmm, she has a point, coaches are people too! :) Time to sit down and look at my values - have they changed, what's my current perspective, what emotions am I deflecting, what am I pretending to be or not be.
Well, I guess it's time to do my homework...I'll let you know how it goes! :)
For those of you that don't know, I have been on a major personal growth journey for many years but particularly in the last 3 I have been digging pretty damned deep. I'm on a personal mission to move from the "place" that doesn't feel right, the part that keeps me up at night, the part that makes me question my self-worth and move into a place of fun, love, connection and the feeling of "being enough".
I want fulfillment damn it! I want to live my life aligned with my values, change my karma, start laughing again, begin to feel alive and for the most part, I am doing a fantastic Grade "A" job of it.
So, you ask, what's the problem?
We all do our best to move forward but sometimes we allow life to get in our way, or should I say, we allow ourselves to get in the way of life. And that's what I'm doing right now. I'm getting in my own way!
I fluctuate from sadness to anger because I know my values are being stepped on and because I'm allowing it! The reality is that it doesn't matter what the "what" is and as for the "why", well, that doesn't matter either. What's really important is that I'm stuck - and this is of no benefit to me!
Physician heals thy self! My client said that to me last week - hmmm, she has a point, coaches are people too! :) Time to sit down and look at my values - have they changed, what's my current perspective, what emotions am I deflecting, what am I pretending to be or not be.
Well, I guess it's time to do my homework...I'll let you know how it goes! :)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Reinvention!
September 24th, 2009 was a day that shook my world. The very essence of my character - challenged. How I defined myself - completely obliterated. The security that I had always relied upon - gone! This day would prove to be the catharsis that changed my life forever.
In a world where we are defined by boundaries and social expectations, losing a job means more than just the end of employment. There's shame that surrounds your soul, embarrassment that wounds the ego, hurt that carves deep on a cellular level and fear that can paralyse the strongest of wills.
At 2:30 p.m. my phone rang - the caller I.D. - 64E Boardroom. As I picked up my receiver, the sombre voice on the other end told me to come to this location and hung up. I sat, numb, for what seemed like hours but it was only a few minutes, my mind reeling...NO! It couldn't be! It can't be! No, they wouldn't! Oh god, what do I do!
Panic had set in as the reality of that voice seeped into my sub-conscious, percolating through my limbs. I shakily stood up, composed myself, took a deep breath, head held high and walked to 64E Boardroom to face the music.
As I opened the door to the boardroom, my manager and human resources rep were sitting stiffly at the table. "We are sorry to bring this news to you, we have restructured your position and we no longer require your services..." and the rest is history.
I regretted not having the foresight to have brought along my purse and personal affects. I was marshalled out like a prisoner to the elevators with nothing more than my wallet and keys, the rest of my personal items would be boxed by some unknown unnamed unattached person...all I could think of was please handle my pride with care. My pictures of my son, a personal letter that my Grandmother wrote to me that I always kept in my desk to feel close to her, notes from friends that kept me smiling on days that were tough...I had to leave them there for someone else to fondle and throw in a box without care.
As I sat in the taxi I could only think of "what now?" How do I feed my son? How do I keep the lights on? I'm 41 years old, will anyone want me now?
Then a surprisingly interesting feeling came over me. It hit me like a tsunami...I'm free!! No more toxic Bay Street life. This was my chance to reinvent the "me" that had been lost for so long...too long! I had grown complacent and this was the kick in the ass that I needed - the double espresso jolt that kicked my butt. Suddenly, I felt the chains and strains and sadness lift from my body. I had not felt this "light" in years.
It truly was a gift that was given to me. The opportunity of possibilities were endless. I no longer was confined by what I thought I had to be but rather what I can be! Passions began to rise up and realizations of what I was truly made of finally became evident.
It's been almost two months since "that day" and during this time I have become more empowered, more in touch with the woman that I am, more confident about what I can offer and the world is, beyond doubt, my oyster!
In a world where we are defined by boundaries and social expectations, losing a job means more than just the end of employment. There's shame that surrounds your soul, embarrassment that wounds the ego, hurt that carves deep on a cellular level and fear that can paralyse the strongest of wills.
At 2:30 p.m. my phone rang - the caller I.D. - 64E Boardroom. As I picked up my receiver, the sombre voice on the other end told me to come to this location and hung up. I sat, numb, for what seemed like hours but it was only a few minutes, my mind reeling...NO! It couldn't be! It can't be! No, they wouldn't! Oh god, what do I do!
Panic had set in as the reality of that voice seeped into my sub-conscious, percolating through my limbs. I shakily stood up, composed myself, took a deep breath, head held high and walked to 64E Boardroom to face the music.
As I opened the door to the boardroom, my manager and human resources rep were sitting stiffly at the table. "We are sorry to bring this news to you, we have restructured your position and we no longer require your services..." and the rest is history.
I regretted not having the foresight to have brought along my purse and personal affects. I was marshalled out like a prisoner to the elevators with nothing more than my wallet and keys, the rest of my personal items would be boxed by some unknown unnamed unattached person...all I could think of was please handle my pride with care. My pictures of my son, a personal letter that my Grandmother wrote to me that I always kept in my desk to feel close to her, notes from friends that kept me smiling on days that were tough...I had to leave them there for someone else to fondle and throw in a box without care.
As I sat in the taxi I could only think of "what now?" How do I feed my son? How do I keep the lights on? I'm 41 years old, will anyone want me now?
Then a surprisingly interesting feeling came over me. It hit me like a tsunami...I'm free!! No more toxic Bay Street life. This was my chance to reinvent the "me" that had been lost for so long...too long! I had grown complacent and this was the kick in the ass that I needed - the double espresso jolt that kicked my butt. Suddenly, I felt the chains and strains and sadness lift from my body. I had not felt this "light" in years.
It truly was a gift that was given to me. The opportunity of possibilities were endless. I no longer was confined by what I thought I had to be but rather what I can be! Passions began to rise up and realizations of what I was truly made of finally became evident.
It's been almost two months since "that day" and during this time I have become more empowered, more in touch with the woman that I am, more confident about what I can offer and the world is, beyond doubt, my oyster!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Eyes Have It!
So, it finally came to fruition - laser eye surgery! Biting that bullet almost broke my teeth but I summoned up my courage and am almost at 20/20 vision.
About a year ago I was given bi-focals. After one month of flapping about, suffering dizziness, nausea, running into walls, falling down stairs...yes, that's what I said...I walked into Lasik Md to find out if there was any way that I could avoid the misery of "getting used" to wearing bi-focals.
After a two hour examination and a quote to the tune of $3290 I shuffled out feeling deflated and defeated. The cost was clearly over my budget. My mind reeled at the very thought of having to wear bi-focals and feeling like I did...how was I going to manage for any length of time? How was I going to drive? Would I ever get used to wearing these things and functioning without continually injuring myself and feeling like I had the stomach flu every day?
About six months ago I started seeing little floaters in front of my eyes and sometimes I would even have little stars. As a result of seeing my optometrist, it seemed that I was showing the beginning signs of a detached retina. According to my doctor there was nothing to be done except to keep watch every few months. This wasn't a situation of "if", it was a situation of "when" and I was not about to sit around and wait for the "when". After reviewing how a detachment was corrected and learning about the amount of time that I would have to be off work, I quickly made off with a plan of attack.
I have never been one to just receive information at face value. Almost every time I make a decision it is as a result of timely research, pulling as much data that I can together to make an informed decision. Many situations in life can be avoided with a little planning. Proactive as opposed to Reactive...it's a motto that I stick by.
It seems that with laser surgery, the eye can be reshaped - voila...we have PROACTIVE! This is not to say that it will work but there is a great chance that the reshaping closes any opportunity or reduces the opportunity for the retina to detach. What the heck...I haven't lost anything by trying, infact, I gain sight!
So, I marched back into Lasik Md and this time it was $4000 - ouch! I was not a candidate for the regular lasik treatment as my cornea was too thin so I had to undergo the PRK with the new fandangled Zyoptix laser. It was this new laser that increased the price but given my set of circumstances, this was the best way to go. Hey...I only want the best for my eyes - they're the only set that I have!
The surgery itself, although psychologically freaky, didn't hurt. The procedure begins by taping your eyelashes back and then they have a little instrument to keep your eyes open and to stop you from blinking. Then they freeze your eyes with drops and with PRK, they take, what looks like a Braun Spinbrush, and scrub your eyes. Oh ya baby!! Then they laser them and you can smell the scent of burning eyeball. The eyes are flushed with cold water and this is such a great relief.
You are sent home with numbing eye drops and told that you may experience some discomfort. That's like telling me, when I was in labour, that I might have a few cramps!!!
About 2 hours after I got home, it felt like a had spilled acid on my eyeballs. The numbing drops would only hold me for a few hours and I was only allowed to use them every 6 hours. The Tylenol 3's were like peeing in the wind...USELESS!
I have had natural childbirth and a hysterectomy and I can say, with certainty, that this eye surgery was WORSE! I suffered for 3 days with this searing hot pain and I was unable to see. I "white-caned" it for most of last week and although my sight is still somewhat blurred, the pain is gone and the possibility of the detachment is gone.
In the end, if I knew what I know now, AND I didn't have the detachment to consider, I don't think I would have done this. That said, each client is different and each person has a different pain threshold but even with the piles of literature nothing really prepares you for the kind of pain that is associated with this type of surgery.
The staff and doctors were amazing and very sensitive to everyone's varying degrees of pain management.
So, there you have it. Cheers to my sight and seeing the world through my eyes!
About a year ago I was given bi-focals. After one month of flapping about, suffering dizziness, nausea, running into walls, falling down stairs...yes, that's what I said...I walked into Lasik Md to find out if there was any way that I could avoid the misery of "getting used" to wearing bi-focals.
After a two hour examination and a quote to the tune of $3290 I shuffled out feeling deflated and defeated. The cost was clearly over my budget. My mind reeled at the very thought of having to wear bi-focals and feeling like I did...how was I going to manage for any length of time? How was I going to drive? Would I ever get used to wearing these things and functioning without continually injuring myself and feeling like I had the stomach flu every day?
About six months ago I started seeing little floaters in front of my eyes and sometimes I would even have little stars. As a result of seeing my optometrist, it seemed that I was showing the beginning signs of a detached retina. According to my doctor there was nothing to be done except to keep watch every few months. This wasn't a situation of "if", it was a situation of "when" and I was not about to sit around and wait for the "when". After reviewing how a detachment was corrected and learning about the amount of time that I would have to be off work, I quickly made off with a plan of attack.
I have never been one to just receive information at face value. Almost every time I make a decision it is as a result of timely research, pulling as much data that I can together to make an informed decision. Many situations in life can be avoided with a little planning. Proactive as opposed to Reactive...it's a motto that I stick by.
It seems that with laser surgery, the eye can be reshaped - voila...we have PROACTIVE! This is not to say that it will work but there is a great chance that the reshaping closes any opportunity or reduces the opportunity for the retina to detach. What the heck...I haven't lost anything by trying, infact, I gain sight!
So, I marched back into Lasik Md and this time it was $4000 - ouch! I was not a candidate for the regular lasik treatment as my cornea was too thin so I had to undergo the PRK with the new fandangled Zyoptix laser. It was this new laser that increased the price but given my set of circumstances, this was the best way to go. Hey...I only want the best for my eyes - they're the only set that I have!
The surgery itself, although psychologically freaky, didn't hurt. The procedure begins by taping your eyelashes back and then they have a little instrument to keep your eyes open and to stop you from blinking. Then they freeze your eyes with drops and with PRK, they take, what looks like a Braun Spinbrush, and scrub your eyes. Oh ya baby!! Then they laser them and you can smell the scent of burning eyeball. The eyes are flushed with cold water and this is such a great relief.
You are sent home with numbing eye drops and told that you may experience some discomfort. That's like telling me, when I was in labour, that I might have a few cramps!!!
About 2 hours after I got home, it felt like a had spilled acid on my eyeballs. The numbing drops would only hold me for a few hours and I was only allowed to use them every 6 hours. The Tylenol 3's were like peeing in the wind...USELESS!
I have had natural childbirth and a hysterectomy and I can say, with certainty, that this eye surgery was WORSE! I suffered for 3 days with this searing hot pain and I was unable to see. I "white-caned" it for most of last week and although my sight is still somewhat blurred, the pain is gone and the possibility of the detachment is gone.
In the end, if I knew what I know now, AND I didn't have the detachment to consider, I don't think I would have done this. That said, each client is different and each person has a different pain threshold but even with the piles of literature nothing really prepares you for the kind of pain that is associated with this type of surgery.
The staff and doctors were amazing and very sensitive to everyone's varying degrees of pain management.
So, there you have it. Cheers to my sight and seeing the world through my eyes!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
It's got to be LOVE!
Just this past Monday, as I looked at my calendar, I realized it was now the second week of April. I was reviewing the events that were coming up and was dreamily reminiscing of the activities that we had done earlier this year. A big "phew" sigh came across my lips as I happily thought that our household had "missed" the stomach bug that had been swirling around since January.
On Monday night, my son and I were sitting down to our dinner, our time passed pleasantly with light conversation but my son ate very little. Of course, I was secretly puffing with frustration as I had assumed that he had been into the "Easter" bin but when asked what he had eaten his reply negated my assumptions. He had been mentioning that his tummy was sore and that he wasn't hungry but I didn't think anything further than he's probably not in "his growing phase". Usually he eats me out of house and home, only to find, at the end of the month, my son half an inch taller than the month before. So, I always reason that if he's not hungry than his body doesn't need as much of it so I don't bother my thoughts with it further.
I should have known something was up because he was clingy after dinner and refused to go upstairs without me when bedtime came. Of course, I was getting an "Easter" massage by one of my favourite RMT's so I must say, I wasn't pleased that he was not being a bit more independent in his actions. I get very little "me" time and this was "me" time that I don't like compromised. So, I asked him to settle on the couch and would tend to him when my massage was done.
Saying good-bye to my RMT, I walked my boy upstairs. I was in my fluffy comfy warm robe with blissful relaxing vibes as a result of my much-needed massage. I snuggled into my boys bed and read to him. However, I knew that my relaxed body would soon be shocked into reality with a boy that began to feel the signs of "something" lurking at a cellular level. His pleas for relief from a tummy ache began to increase. We had had a busy weekend with little sleep and not the greatest of food so I just continued bypassing the thought that it was anything other than a flu bug.
However, at 11:15, my little boy ran into my room and in the midst of trying to tell me that he was going to be sick, out came projectile vomit all over my feet. I quickly rummaged around for the garbage pail because I knew there was more to come. I asked my room-mate to get up and hold the pail while I tried to unglue my feet from the vomit pool on the floor. Now, I adore my room-mate, but having the ability to wake quickly and be ALERT, ready for ACTION - not so good at this! As she groggily got out of bed, stumbled across the room, I gave quick orders because, clearly, her brain wouldn't have worked sharply enough before the next onslaught of volcanic vomit hit again.
So, once all was cleaned, wiped and washed, I thanked my room-mate for her efforts and I put my scared little boy back to his bed. At this point, I was the recipient of an onslaught of "I'm sorry's" and chatter coming from a scared little boy who didn't know what to do with all of his nervous feelings as a result of his illness. For some people, upchucking is a scary experience. I work with adults who have been sick at the office and the very thought of puking scares the hell out of them so I have full empathy and sympathy when it comes to this sort of thing.
I stayed with my boy most of the night, working my fingers gently through his hair, nurturing as only a mother can do. He woke the next morning, very weak and wanting his mommy. Taking him to his father's was not an option, not only because he was too sick to go anywhere and I wasn't about to disturb my son from surroundings that were a comfort to him but he didn't want his dad, he wanted me, his mommy! I snuggled my boy all day and by the end of the day, his appetite started to pique and crackers and gingerale were on the menu of acceptable items that could cross his lips and not upset his tummy.
That evening, as I put my boy to bed, my heart warmed at the sight of him. My mind wandered to the events that had taken place in the previous 24 hours. I smiled to myself...only a mother's love could handle standing in a vomit pool, staying up all night and all day, function on little sleep, cater to every whim of her sick child and still smile with such beaming warmth and not want to miss this event for the world.
It's nice to know that my motherly love is still needed and wanted by this wonderful little boy. Happiness is...
On Monday night, my son and I were sitting down to our dinner, our time passed pleasantly with light conversation but my son ate very little. Of course, I was secretly puffing with frustration as I had assumed that he had been into the "Easter" bin but when asked what he had eaten his reply negated my assumptions. He had been mentioning that his tummy was sore and that he wasn't hungry but I didn't think anything further than he's probably not in "his growing phase". Usually he eats me out of house and home, only to find, at the end of the month, my son half an inch taller than the month before. So, I always reason that if he's not hungry than his body doesn't need as much of it so I don't bother my thoughts with it further.
I should have known something was up because he was clingy after dinner and refused to go upstairs without me when bedtime came. Of course, I was getting an "Easter" massage by one of my favourite RMT's so I must say, I wasn't pleased that he was not being a bit more independent in his actions. I get very little "me" time and this was "me" time that I don't like compromised. So, I asked him to settle on the couch and would tend to him when my massage was done.
Saying good-bye to my RMT, I walked my boy upstairs. I was in my fluffy comfy warm robe with blissful relaxing vibes as a result of my much-needed massage. I snuggled into my boys bed and read to him. However, I knew that my relaxed body would soon be shocked into reality with a boy that began to feel the signs of "something" lurking at a cellular level. His pleas for relief from a tummy ache began to increase. We had had a busy weekend with little sleep and not the greatest of food so I just continued bypassing the thought that it was anything other than a flu bug.
However, at 11:15, my little boy ran into my room and in the midst of trying to tell me that he was going to be sick, out came projectile vomit all over my feet. I quickly rummaged around for the garbage pail because I knew there was more to come. I asked my room-mate to get up and hold the pail while I tried to unglue my feet from the vomit pool on the floor. Now, I adore my room-mate, but having the ability to wake quickly and be ALERT, ready for ACTION - not so good at this! As she groggily got out of bed, stumbled across the room, I gave quick orders because, clearly, her brain wouldn't have worked sharply enough before the next onslaught of volcanic vomit hit again.
So, once all was cleaned, wiped and washed, I thanked my room-mate for her efforts and I put my scared little boy back to his bed. At this point, I was the recipient of an onslaught of "I'm sorry's" and chatter coming from a scared little boy who didn't know what to do with all of his nervous feelings as a result of his illness. For some people, upchucking is a scary experience. I work with adults who have been sick at the office and the very thought of puking scares the hell out of them so I have full empathy and sympathy when it comes to this sort of thing.
I stayed with my boy most of the night, working my fingers gently through his hair, nurturing as only a mother can do. He woke the next morning, very weak and wanting his mommy. Taking him to his father's was not an option, not only because he was too sick to go anywhere and I wasn't about to disturb my son from surroundings that were a comfort to him but he didn't want his dad, he wanted me, his mommy! I snuggled my boy all day and by the end of the day, his appetite started to pique and crackers and gingerale were on the menu of acceptable items that could cross his lips and not upset his tummy.
That evening, as I put my boy to bed, my heart warmed at the sight of him. My mind wandered to the events that had taken place in the previous 24 hours. I smiled to myself...only a mother's love could handle standing in a vomit pool, staying up all night and all day, function on little sleep, cater to every whim of her sick child and still smile with such beaming warmth and not want to miss this event for the world.
It's nice to know that my motherly love is still needed and wanted by this wonderful little boy. Happiness is...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Great Parenting Starts at Home
The title of this entry may seem rather odd to some but hear me out.
I always thought that life lessons and life directions came from home and I think, for most of us, they do. As a result of traveling and volunteering I have observed various styles of parenting and various displays of behaviour exhibited by their children, some good, some absolutely dismal.
I have witnessed some parents being very supportive as their children navigated their way, showing kindness when needed, exerting firmness when required but always allowing their children to make mistakes so they could learn and grow. The parents I observed were actively involved with their childs development and were active participants in their life, being accountable parents and thus having children that would become accountable little people growing into accountable adults.
On the other scale, I saw parents that looked like deer-in-headlights, appearing like they didn't even have kids, allowing their kids to run around and disrupt other people. At times, it even seemed like the parents were in La-La-Land, head in the clouds, not giving a care that their kids fell, were about to run onto a busy street with oncoming cars, or were in need of anything. There was one incident that remains strong in my mind and to this day, still leaves me somewhat unnerved.
The incident that I'm referring was during the morning drop-off at our school. A mother sat down on the benches to wait until the school bell went. Her daughter, around the age of 8, decided to play with another girl that was on the slide set. At one point the girl began to punch and spit on this other little girl then proceeded to taunt her, calling her names, pushing her, shoving her. While all of this was going on, I stood there dumbfounded. Not wanting to overstep my boundaries, I went over to the mother and mentioned that her child was being aggressive and perhaps she needed to step in.
What I wanted to say was, "your kid is being a little shit and you don't seem to care, but you need to get involved before your kid rips off this other girls face with the barrage of punches, you shitty parent!"
However, my exterior frame remained calm, all the while inside I was seething. The woman sat there and as almost, in a daze, or a drugged state (who knows!) looked over at her child, took a deep breath and looked to me with shrugged shoulders, as if to say, "what am I supposed to do about it".
Fortunately, I had the sense to go over there on my own and break it up and then I proceeded to take the child to the on-duty teacher where they dealt with it.
But you see, that's my point! Parenting starts at home, with a parent that is actively engaged in their childs wellbeing. Not turing a blind-eye to behaviour and pretending that it's not there or relying on other people to "parent" you child.
Call me old-fashioned, even traditional, but I want my son to grow into a responsible adult, being accountable for his decisions, being kind and sensitive, not because he has to but because this is his innate nature to do so.
As a mother, I found a quote very relevant to me. If anyone has ever heard of the Enneagram, I'm a 2 on this scale. 2's are supermoms! We are rescuers, helpers, crazed multitaskers, no job too big or too small for us!
However, as a parent, if you are constantly running D for your kid then you are taking away their reasoning power, in fact, a rescuing parent is an enabler and that can come back to bite you hard! Kids need to make age-appropriate decisions, learn from their mistakes and I'm not talking about the ones that you point out to them. Being accountable for behaviours and actions are key and through experience, children will be able to figure this out but only if you let them fall.
As a 2 I'm often in default of not letting my kid fall but when I read this quote it helped me to become refocused and become a supportive, actively engaged mom and not a rescuer mom.
So, I would like to share this quote that I found by Abigail Van Buren:
"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibilities on their shoulders."
Quote by Abigail Van Buren
I always thought that life lessons and life directions came from home and I think, for most of us, they do. As a result of traveling and volunteering I have observed various styles of parenting and various displays of behaviour exhibited by their children, some good, some absolutely dismal.
I have witnessed some parents being very supportive as their children navigated their way, showing kindness when needed, exerting firmness when required but always allowing their children to make mistakes so they could learn and grow. The parents I observed were actively involved with their childs development and were active participants in their life, being accountable parents and thus having children that would become accountable little people growing into accountable adults.
On the other scale, I saw parents that looked like deer-in-headlights, appearing like they didn't even have kids, allowing their kids to run around and disrupt other people. At times, it even seemed like the parents were in La-La-Land, head in the clouds, not giving a care that their kids fell, were about to run onto a busy street with oncoming cars, or were in need of anything. There was one incident that remains strong in my mind and to this day, still leaves me somewhat unnerved.
The incident that I'm referring was during the morning drop-off at our school. A mother sat down on the benches to wait until the school bell went. Her daughter, around the age of 8, decided to play with another girl that was on the slide set. At one point the girl began to punch and spit on this other little girl then proceeded to taunt her, calling her names, pushing her, shoving her. While all of this was going on, I stood there dumbfounded. Not wanting to overstep my boundaries, I went over to the mother and mentioned that her child was being aggressive and perhaps she needed to step in.
What I wanted to say was, "your kid is being a little shit and you don't seem to care, but you need to get involved before your kid rips off this other girls face with the barrage of punches, you shitty parent!"
However, my exterior frame remained calm, all the while inside I was seething. The woman sat there and as almost, in a daze, or a drugged state (who knows!) looked over at her child, took a deep breath and looked to me with shrugged shoulders, as if to say, "what am I supposed to do about it".
Fortunately, I had the sense to go over there on my own and break it up and then I proceeded to take the child to the on-duty teacher where they dealt with it.
But you see, that's my point! Parenting starts at home, with a parent that is actively engaged in their childs wellbeing. Not turing a blind-eye to behaviour and pretending that it's not there or relying on other people to "parent" you child.
Call me old-fashioned, even traditional, but I want my son to grow into a responsible adult, being accountable for his decisions, being kind and sensitive, not because he has to but because this is his innate nature to do so.
As a mother, I found a quote very relevant to me. If anyone has ever heard of the Enneagram, I'm a 2 on this scale. 2's are supermoms! We are rescuers, helpers, crazed multitaskers, no job too big or too small for us!
However, as a parent, if you are constantly running D for your kid then you are taking away their reasoning power, in fact, a rescuing parent is an enabler and that can come back to bite you hard! Kids need to make age-appropriate decisions, learn from their mistakes and I'm not talking about the ones that you point out to them. Being accountable for behaviours and actions are key and through experience, children will be able to figure this out but only if you let them fall.
As a 2 I'm often in default of not letting my kid fall but when I read this quote it helped me to become refocused and become a supportive, actively engaged mom and not a rescuer mom.
So, I would like to share this quote that I found by Abigail Van Buren:
"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibilities on their shoulders."
Quote by Abigail Van Buren
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