Just this past Monday, as I looked at my calendar, I realized it was now the second week of April. I was reviewing the events that were coming up and was dreamily reminiscing of the activities that we had done earlier this year. A big "phew" sigh came across my lips as I happily thought that our household had "missed" the stomach bug that had been swirling around since January.
On Monday night, my son and I were sitting down to our dinner, our time passed pleasantly with light conversation but my son ate very little. Of course, I was secretly puffing with frustration as I had assumed that he had been into the "Easter" bin but when asked what he had eaten his reply negated my assumptions. He had been mentioning that his tummy was sore and that he wasn't hungry but I didn't think anything further than he's probably not in "his growing phase". Usually he eats me out of house and home, only to find, at the end of the month, my son half an inch taller than the month before. So, I always reason that if he's not hungry than his body doesn't need as much of it so I don't bother my thoughts with it further.
I should have known something was up because he was clingy after dinner and refused to go upstairs without me when bedtime came. Of course, I was getting an "Easter" massage by one of my favourite RMT's so I must say, I wasn't pleased that he was not being a bit more independent in his actions. I get very little "me" time and this was "me" time that I don't like compromised. So, I asked him to settle on the couch and would tend to him when my massage was done.
Saying good-bye to my RMT, I walked my boy upstairs. I was in my fluffy comfy warm robe with blissful relaxing vibes as a result of my much-needed massage. I snuggled into my boys bed and read to him. However, I knew that my relaxed body would soon be shocked into reality with a boy that began to feel the signs of "something" lurking at a cellular level. His pleas for relief from a tummy ache began to increase. We had had a busy weekend with little sleep and not the greatest of food so I just continued bypassing the thought that it was anything other than a flu bug.
However, at 11:15, my little boy ran into my room and in the midst of trying to tell me that he was going to be sick, out came projectile vomit all over my feet. I quickly rummaged around for the garbage pail because I knew there was more to come. I asked my room-mate to get up and hold the pail while I tried to unglue my feet from the vomit pool on the floor. Now, I adore my room-mate, but having the ability to wake quickly and be ALERT, ready for ACTION - not so good at this! As she groggily got out of bed, stumbled across the room, I gave quick orders because, clearly, her brain wouldn't have worked sharply enough before the next onslaught of volcanic vomit hit again.
So, once all was cleaned, wiped and washed, I thanked my room-mate for her efforts and I put my scared little boy back to his bed. At this point, I was the recipient of an onslaught of "I'm sorry's" and chatter coming from a scared little boy who didn't know what to do with all of his nervous feelings as a result of his illness. For some people, upchucking is a scary experience. I work with adults who have been sick at the office and the very thought of puking scares the hell out of them so I have full empathy and sympathy when it comes to this sort of thing.
I stayed with my boy most of the night, working my fingers gently through his hair, nurturing as only a mother can do. He woke the next morning, very weak and wanting his mommy. Taking him to his father's was not an option, not only because he was too sick to go anywhere and I wasn't about to disturb my son from surroundings that were a comfort to him but he didn't want his dad, he wanted me, his mommy! I snuggled my boy all day and by the end of the day, his appetite started to pique and crackers and gingerale were on the menu of acceptable items that could cross his lips and not upset his tummy.
That evening, as I put my boy to bed, my heart warmed at the sight of him. My mind wandered to the events that had taken place in the previous 24 hours. I smiled to myself...only a mother's love could handle standing in a vomit pool, staying up all night and all day, function on little sleep, cater to every whim of her sick child and still smile with such beaming warmth and not want to miss this event for the world.
It's nice to know that my motherly love is still needed and wanted by this wonderful little boy. Happiness is...
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Great Parenting Starts at Home
The title of this entry may seem rather odd to some but hear me out.
I always thought that life lessons and life directions came from home and I think, for most of us, they do. As a result of traveling and volunteering I have observed various styles of parenting and various displays of behaviour exhibited by their children, some good, some absolutely dismal.
I have witnessed some parents being very supportive as their children navigated their way, showing kindness when needed, exerting firmness when required but always allowing their children to make mistakes so they could learn and grow. The parents I observed were actively involved with their childs development and were active participants in their life, being accountable parents and thus having children that would become accountable little people growing into accountable adults.
On the other scale, I saw parents that looked like deer-in-headlights, appearing like they didn't even have kids, allowing their kids to run around and disrupt other people. At times, it even seemed like the parents were in La-La-Land, head in the clouds, not giving a care that their kids fell, were about to run onto a busy street with oncoming cars, or were in need of anything. There was one incident that remains strong in my mind and to this day, still leaves me somewhat unnerved.
The incident that I'm referring was during the morning drop-off at our school. A mother sat down on the benches to wait until the school bell went. Her daughter, around the age of 8, decided to play with another girl that was on the slide set. At one point the girl began to punch and spit on this other little girl then proceeded to taunt her, calling her names, pushing her, shoving her. While all of this was going on, I stood there dumbfounded. Not wanting to overstep my boundaries, I went over to the mother and mentioned that her child was being aggressive and perhaps she needed to step in.
What I wanted to say was, "your kid is being a little shit and you don't seem to care, but you need to get involved before your kid rips off this other girls face with the barrage of punches, you shitty parent!"
However, my exterior frame remained calm, all the while inside I was seething. The woman sat there and as almost, in a daze, or a drugged state (who knows!) looked over at her child, took a deep breath and looked to me with shrugged shoulders, as if to say, "what am I supposed to do about it".
Fortunately, I had the sense to go over there on my own and break it up and then I proceeded to take the child to the on-duty teacher where they dealt with it.
But you see, that's my point! Parenting starts at home, with a parent that is actively engaged in their childs wellbeing. Not turing a blind-eye to behaviour and pretending that it's not there or relying on other people to "parent" you child.
Call me old-fashioned, even traditional, but I want my son to grow into a responsible adult, being accountable for his decisions, being kind and sensitive, not because he has to but because this is his innate nature to do so.
As a mother, I found a quote very relevant to me. If anyone has ever heard of the Enneagram, I'm a 2 on this scale. 2's are supermoms! We are rescuers, helpers, crazed multitaskers, no job too big or too small for us!
However, as a parent, if you are constantly running D for your kid then you are taking away their reasoning power, in fact, a rescuing parent is an enabler and that can come back to bite you hard! Kids need to make age-appropriate decisions, learn from their mistakes and I'm not talking about the ones that you point out to them. Being accountable for behaviours and actions are key and through experience, children will be able to figure this out but only if you let them fall.
As a 2 I'm often in default of not letting my kid fall but when I read this quote it helped me to become refocused and become a supportive, actively engaged mom and not a rescuer mom.
So, I would like to share this quote that I found by Abigail Van Buren:
"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibilities on their shoulders."
Quote by Abigail Van Buren
I always thought that life lessons and life directions came from home and I think, for most of us, they do. As a result of traveling and volunteering I have observed various styles of parenting and various displays of behaviour exhibited by their children, some good, some absolutely dismal.
I have witnessed some parents being very supportive as their children navigated their way, showing kindness when needed, exerting firmness when required but always allowing their children to make mistakes so they could learn and grow. The parents I observed were actively involved with their childs development and were active participants in their life, being accountable parents and thus having children that would become accountable little people growing into accountable adults.
On the other scale, I saw parents that looked like deer-in-headlights, appearing like they didn't even have kids, allowing their kids to run around and disrupt other people. At times, it even seemed like the parents were in La-La-Land, head in the clouds, not giving a care that their kids fell, were about to run onto a busy street with oncoming cars, or were in need of anything. There was one incident that remains strong in my mind and to this day, still leaves me somewhat unnerved.
The incident that I'm referring was during the morning drop-off at our school. A mother sat down on the benches to wait until the school bell went. Her daughter, around the age of 8, decided to play with another girl that was on the slide set. At one point the girl began to punch and spit on this other little girl then proceeded to taunt her, calling her names, pushing her, shoving her. While all of this was going on, I stood there dumbfounded. Not wanting to overstep my boundaries, I went over to the mother and mentioned that her child was being aggressive and perhaps she needed to step in.
What I wanted to say was, "your kid is being a little shit and you don't seem to care, but you need to get involved before your kid rips off this other girls face with the barrage of punches, you shitty parent!"
However, my exterior frame remained calm, all the while inside I was seething. The woman sat there and as almost, in a daze, or a drugged state (who knows!) looked over at her child, took a deep breath and looked to me with shrugged shoulders, as if to say, "what am I supposed to do about it".
Fortunately, I had the sense to go over there on my own and break it up and then I proceeded to take the child to the on-duty teacher where they dealt with it.
But you see, that's my point! Parenting starts at home, with a parent that is actively engaged in their childs wellbeing. Not turing a blind-eye to behaviour and pretending that it's not there or relying on other people to "parent" you child.
Call me old-fashioned, even traditional, but I want my son to grow into a responsible adult, being accountable for his decisions, being kind and sensitive, not because he has to but because this is his innate nature to do so.
As a mother, I found a quote very relevant to me. If anyone has ever heard of the Enneagram, I'm a 2 on this scale. 2's are supermoms! We are rescuers, helpers, crazed multitaskers, no job too big or too small for us!
However, as a parent, if you are constantly running D for your kid then you are taking away their reasoning power, in fact, a rescuing parent is an enabler and that can come back to bite you hard! Kids need to make age-appropriate decisions, learn from their mistakes and I'm not talking about the ones that you point out to them. Being accountable for behaviours and actions are key and through experience, children will be able to figure this out but only if you let them fall.
As a 2 I'm often in default of not letting my kid fall but when I read this quote it helped me to become refocused and become a supportive, actively engaged mom and not a rescuer mom.
So, I would like to share this quote that I found by Abigail Van Buren:
"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibilities on their shoulders."
Quote by Abigail Van Buren
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