Great Parenting Starts at Home

The title of this entry may seem rather odd to some but hear me out.

I always thought that life lessons and life directions came from home and I think, for most of us, they do. As a result of traveling and volunteering I have observed various styles of parenting and various displays of behaviour exhibited by their children, some good, some absolutely dismal.

I have witnessed some parents being very supportive as their children navigated their way, showing kindness when needed, exerting firmness when required but always allowing their children to make mistakes so they could learn and grow. The parents I observed were actively involved with their childs development and were active participants in their life, being accountable parents and thus having children that would become accountable little people growing into accountable adults.

On the other scale, I saw parents that looked like deer-in-headlights, appearing like they didn't even have kids, allowing their kids to run around and disrupt other people. At times, it even seemed like the parents were in La-La-Land, head in the clouds, not giving a care that their kids fell, were about to run onto a busy street with oncoming cars, or were in need of anything. There was one incident that remains strong in my mind and to this day, still leaves me somewhat unnerved.

The incident that I'm referring was during the morning drop-off at our school. A mother sat down on the benches to wait until the school bell went. Her daughter, around the age of 8, decided to play with another girl that was on the slide set. At one point the girl began to punch and spit on this other little girl then proceeded to taunt her, calling her names, pushing her, shoving her. While all of this was going on, I stood there dumbfounded. Not wanting to overstep my boundaries, I went over to the mother and mentioned that her child was being aggressive and perhaps she needed to step in.

What I wanted to say was, "your kid is being a little shit and you don't seem to care, but you need to get involved before your kid rips off this other girls face with the barrage of punches, you shitty parent!"

However, my exterior frame remained calm, all the while inside I was seething. The woman sat there and as almost, in a daze, or a drugged state (who knows!) looked over at her child, took a deep breath and looked to me with shrugged shoulders, as if to say, "what am I supposed to do about it".

Fortunately, I had the sense to go over there on my own and break it up and then I proceeded to take the child to the on-duty teacher where they dealt with it.

But you see, that's my point! Parenting starts at home, with a parent that is actively engaged in their childs wellbeing. Not turing a blind-eye to behaviour and pretending that it's not there or relying on other people to "parent" you child.

Call me old-fashioned, even traditional, but I want my son to grow into a responsible adult, being accountable for his decisions, being kind and sensitive, not because he has to but because this is his innate nature to do so.

As a mother, I found a quote very relevant to me. If anyone has ever heard of the Enneagram, I'm a 2 on this scale. 2's are supermoms! We are rescuers, helpers, crazed multitaskers, no job too big or too small for us!

However, as a parent, if you are constantly running D for your kid then you are taking away their reasoning power, in fact, a rescuing parent is an enabler and that can come back to bite you hard! Kids need to make age-appropriate decisions, learn from their mistakes and I'm not talking about the ones that you point out to them. Being accountable for behaviours and actions are key and through experience, children will be able to figure this out but only if you let them fall.

As a 2 I'm often in default of not letting my kid fall but when I read this quote it helped me to become refocused and become a supportive, actively engaged mom and not a rescuer mom.

So, I would like to share this quote that I found by Abigail Van Buren:

"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibilities on their shoulders."


Quote by Abigail Van Buren