Reinvention!

September 24th, 2009 was a day that shook my world. The very essence of my character - challenged. How I defined myself - completely obliterated. The security that I had always relied upon - gone! This day would prove to be the catharsis that changed my life forever.

In a world where we are defined by boundaries and social expectations, losing a job means more than just the end of employment. There's shame that surrounds your soul, embarrassment that wounds the ego, hurt that carves deep on a cellular level and fear that can paralyse the strongest of wills.

At 2:30 p.m. my phone rang - the caller I.D. - 64E Boardroom. As I picked up my receiver, the sombre voice on the other end told me to come to this location and hung up. I sat, numb, for what seemed like hours but it was only a few minutes, my mind reeling...NO! It couldn't be! It can't be! No, they wouldn't! Oh god, what do I do!

Panic had set in as the reality of that voice seeped into my sub-conscious, percolating through my limbs. I shakily stood up, composed myself, took a deep breath, head held high and walked to 64E Boardroom to face the music.
As I opened the door to the boardroom, my manager and human resources rep were sitting stiffly at the table. "We are sorry to bring this news to you, we have restructured your position and we no longer require your services..." and the rest is history.

I regretted not having the foresight to have brought along my purse and personal affects. I was marshalled out like a prisoner to the elevators with nothing more than my wallet and keys, the rest of my personal items would be boxed by some unknown unnamed unattached person...all I could think of was please handle my pride with care. My pictures of my son, a personal letter that my Grandmother wrote to me that I always kept in my desk to feel close to her, notes from friends that kept me smiling on days that were tough...I had to leave them there for someone else to fondle and throw in a box without care.

As I sat in the taxi I could only think of "what now?" How do I feed my son? How do I keep the lights on? I'm 41 years old, will anyone want me now?

Then a surprisingly interesting feeling came over me. It hit me like a tsunami...I'm free!! No more toxic Bay Street life. This was my chance to reinvent the "me" that had been lost for so long...too long! I had grown complacent and this was the kick in the ass that I needed - the double espresso jolt that kicked my butt. Suddenly, I felt the chains and strains and sadness lift from my body. I had not felt this "light" in years.

It truly was a gift that was given to me. The opportunity of possibilities were endless. I no longer was confined by what I thought I had to be but rather what I can be! Passions began to rise up and realizations of what I was truly made of finally became evident.

It's been almost two months since "that day" and during this time I have become more empowered, more in touch with the woman that I am, more confident about what I can offer and the world is, beyond doubt, my oyster!