The Second Day!

Has this happened to you - you open your child's lunch box to discover the lunch that you had carefully prepared was hardly touched? I shouldn't have spun out but I did - why - 'cause I'm frustrated.

I know that my kid chats chats chats and before you know it the 15 minute lunch hour is over HOWEVER...I know my kid and he gets migraines if he doesn't eat and by mid-afternoon grows very lethargic and tires easily, he gets irritable, cranky and has difficulty making wises decisions and it doesn't stop there, it overflows into his evening because he comes home cranky and at night, although exhausted, has trouble falling asleep - why, because his system is off because he's missed a meal!! - as we all do when we miss meals. Plus, this discovery of the full lunch box also triggers that button inside that says, "I fly around the night before and frantically flit around the morning of to get things in order so that everyone can get out the door seamlessly....FOR WHAT!!"

So picture this, and it will be easy to do because we all do it....the morning of rushing to get the family breakfast on the table, the lunches packed, the 3 showers to take place, the questions to answer, the school papers that your child said weren't in his knapsack only to be discovered 5 minutes before you leave as you place the last minute items in his bag.....and on and on!! And then my room-mate not only wonders why I lost a gasket but, in addition, is saddened and concerned of my outburst with my discovery of the full lunch box - oh, but did I mention the chocolate covered granola bars were eaten and two bites of fruit!!! That will definitely hold you over 'till dinner - NOT!!

I'm not saying that I'm perfect, hardly even close and quite frankly, as a mother, I put myself under a great deal of my own scrutiny, am probably my biggest critic and feel like an absolute sham as a mother when I loose it over a full lunch pail and I don't need it pointed out by a non-parent, someone who doesn't have to worry, negotiate, choreograph and schedule and reschedule on a minute to minute basis with schedules of my room-mate, the ex-husband's and the child's....I am in scheduling hell somedays - but do I complain or is my schedule or needs addressed? - what do you think?? Does this bother me - no, actually, it doesn't - why - because, for the most part, it's nice to be needed but when people take what you do for granted or place little importance on the emotional impact that all this creates on one persons mind and spirit - than yes, I get a little touchy.

The deeper issue is my guilt about putting him in a school system that he obviously is not thriving in - a child should be able to chat during his lunch - doesn't this promote good digestion and social development? Isn't that the reason why people enrol their children in school - for the social aspect? I hear it all the time. Homeschooling is out they say - how would they ever learn how to socialize? Oh, you mean homeschooled children don't live in a vacuum and you actually let them out of the house to talk to other people!!! PLEASE!!! Give me proof that sending children to school increases their "social" skills. I know lots of people that are socially inept but they went to school - explain that?? He should be able to take his time and not have to shove his meal into him and be thrust out the door. This is about a mother that only wants the best for her child and feels that she is not doing her job - failing at giving her son the opportunities that he deserves. As parents we all do the best we can given the tools at hand but that doesn't stop us from wishing or hoping that we could give more to our children, more opportunities, more of our time, less stressors.....more time to explore the world in a safe and happy environment...we all try as parents but this parent feels totally boxed in - struggling between what she feels is necessary for her child to thrive in this world and what the ex-husband will allow to be done....it's hard when two parents have two entirely different parenting styles and takes on life - I keep telling myself, I'm doing the best that I can under the circumstances but my guilt still remains.

So, I cuddled my little cherub, brushed the tears from his face and apologized for my outburst. I told him all the little things that caused me to do this - my worries of him not eating - wanting him to be a happy boy, not wanting him to struggle through his day and so on. The world of make-believe is wonderful, I read him a few books, we giggled through some of the story lines and in the end, was so thankful that the universe presented me with this lovely child of mine...as we snuggled, his warm hand touched my cheek, my arms circled his little 8 year old body, we smiled to each other - everything was right with the world - forgiveness has a wonderful way of presenting itself through an 8 year old boys eyes - it's a kind of communication that fills your heart and provides wordless approval that as a parent you are doing the best that you can, that as long as you love, show you love, show that you love no matter what, form no judgment on your child's character, love them for them, for the untouched lunch boxes, than you know that as a parent, you're doing everything you can and they love you for it.

So, I look upon this second day as a lesson, one to improve upon, one to cherish, because a moment like this will not come again.